Nekoshiko

My vision is blurred as I rub my eyes. I bright green light reflects in the mirror. Hair as white as snow dances with the soft breeze going through the room. I run my fingers through it and along my ears. Pink petals were flying so slowly in the air. They almost sparkled. As one landed on my forehead, I realized I wasn’t sure of where I was. 

I sat up, holding a blanket to my chest and moved towards the balcony. What I saw then was very hard to see with the sun shining so bright, but I saw a golden field with blossoms blooming everywhere. suddenly someone grabs me by the waist and pulls me back. Startled, I started to push away. They gab me by the arms and throw me back onto the bed. It was an elvish man.He had light blonde hair, not too muscular. He told me not to move. I was confused until I saw the trail of blood leading up to my bed. 

I blushed and turned away from him. I could never look at him the same again as he was probably the one who removed my armor. He also told me that I’ll be here awhile for him to be able to heal my wounds quicker. I plopped onto my right side so that my back was facing him. And I closed my eyes once more while he heals me. 

I miss her sometimes, all the events we went through together. I’m sure to her, I’m real in a way. Another part of herself. Someone she wishes she could be.

I haven’t been in water to swim…. since the time we all went to the beach last summer…that was the same day we went to Ingersoll and we saw him and we both ran to him, but I held on too long and… he noticed my arm and asked about it a couple of days later. he also… put his arm around me and when I slept over at a friends he offered to give me a hug but i was too shy…and I regretted it. So I just… didn’t, but i did when I saw him in person for the first time in awhile… I felt so happy. Maybe I should do that again, just…spend time away… then he’ll probably miss me again too… because he said that moment was cute but strange… and I think at that moment, he understood I had feelings for him.

I miss being so afraid of him…. but in the way that he might not even give me a chance… I don’t think that feeling has completely disappeared. But. It is because of his kindness that year, that made me love him as much as I do. 

Le naufrage dans la mer de tristesse

Tomber dans l’abîme froid

La pression est tout simplement trop

Sombre, solitaire et froid

Pourquoi personne parvient pas à me sauver?

Retour slidding sur fond de rock

Je t’aime

S’il vous plaît ne laissez pas me noyer

I’m going to vent here because no one will take the time to listen.

…Because telling you that my mother hits me is too difficult.

What is on my mind? 

….you of course.

You have been in my thoughts ever since I fell in love with you.

And I’ve always been certain after that time,

That you are truly beautiful.

Tonight I take a bath. Alone.

Candle light, rose petals and more.

Calming music fills the room.

 My cold skin burns in the soapy water.

I can’t relax.

Nothing is a soothing to me… as your embrace is.

I want to fall asleep in your arms.

But, I fall asleep alone.

Something I enjoy from time to time is to open the window of my bathroom after the room is filled with steam.

The cold air rushes into the room.

I like to just lean against the window sill and take in the cold air of the night.

Street lights glow; cars pass by and everyone is living their lives.

as I am stuck here, time moving slowly.

I’m trying to find a place to belong.

The sun lights up the light-blue sky of the morning.

I feel so lost.

The feeling of going off to see you at school everyday has been erased.

Replaced by waking up to you saying good morning when I awake from nightmares.

Someday we’ll lay on warm white sheets, with the rigid air of the morning and love on the same cold sheets until we fall asleep.

I’d rather be where you are than nowhere at all.

This is a feeling I’ve had for years and could never explain.

This blue colour is so dull.

The first thought it gives me is it is probably the last colour someone has seen before dying.

The other is the nostalgic feeling of hiding from my father in my room crying.

Both moments are scary, both people are staring at a poorly painted wall.

A dark blue doesn’t stimulate my mind at all.

It’s worse than staring at a blank page waiting for words to appear.

Or staring at a grey sky waiting for the warmth of the sun.

It’s as empty as the depth of the sea.