Nekoshiko

Hate.

Thu, 23 May 2013 13:50:47 -0400

I’m going to vent here because no one will take the time to listen.

…Because no one asks if I’m okay when I’m sad.

…Because telling you that my mother hits me is too difficult.

…Because making you upset is way too easy.

and you expect me to like myself after a little mistake.

It seems I’m the only one who makes you this angry.

I thought I was human too, with feelings, but no one cares.

At least it feels that way.

"I believe death is only a door. When it closes, another opens. If I care to imagine heaven, I would..."

Sun, 19 May 2013 02:51:12 -0400

“I believe death is only a door. When it closes, another opens. If I care to imagine heaven, I would imagine the door would open and behind it, I will find him there.”

- sonmi 451

Thought.

Sun, 19 May 2013 02:48:36 -0400

What is on my mind?

….you of course.

You have been in my thoughts ever since I fell in love with you.

And I’ve always been certain after that time,

That you are truly beautiful.

Relax.

Sun, 19 May 2013 02:29:31 -0400

Tonight I take a bath. Alone.

Candle light, rose petals and more.

Calming music fills the room.

My cold skin burns in the soapy water.

I can’t relax.

Nothing is a soothing to me… as your embrace is.

I want to fall asleep in your arms.

But, I fall asleep alone.

Air.

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 04:33:00 -0400

Something I enjoy from time to time is to open the window of my bathroom after the room is filled with steam.

The cold air rushes into the room.

I like to just lean against the window sill and take in the cold air of the night.

Street lights glow; cars pass by and everyone is living their lives.

as I am stuck here, time moving slowly.

I’m trying to find a place to belong.

The sun lights up the light-blue sky of the morning.

I feel so lost.

The feeling of going off to see you at school everyday has been erased.

Replaced by waking up to you saying good morning when I awake from nightmares.

Someday we’ll lay on warm white sheets, with the rigid air of the morning and love on the same cold sheets until we fall asleep.

I’d rather be where you are than nowhere at all.

This is a feeling I’ve had for years and could never explain.

Dark blue.

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 03:32:23 -0400

This blue colour is so dull.

The first thought it gives me is it is probably the last colour someone has seen before dying.

The other is the nostalgic feeling of hiding from my father in my room crying.

Both moments are scary, both people are staring at a poorly painted wall.

A dark blue doesn’t stimulate my mind at all.

It’s worse than staring at a blank page waiting for words to appear.

Or staring at a grey sky waiting for the warmth of the sun.

It’s as empty as the depth of the sea.